Love is buzzing in the air. Nobel laureate Orhan Pamuk has declared to the world and whoever is willing to listen “It’s no secret, Kiran (Desai) is my girlfriend” The lovebirds will soon be heading off to Goa. It should do them a world of good. Apparently sunbathing jazzes up a man’s sex drive with good ole Vitamin D coming to rescue. According to scientific studies it perks up the testosterone. I love scientific studies. You are forever caught in a quagmire of indecisions. One day eggs are harmful, the next they are supposed to be good for heart. Do I need to drink eight glasses of water? Is it okay to go nuts over nuts? Dusting increases chances of fertility! Ever since I read that I gave up stress for good. All I need to do is take off my glasses and the house looks much cleaner.

Jacob Zuma, South African president is busy propagating love. A practicing polygamist, he has sired his 20th child. Now that’s taking sowing your wild oats to the extreme. But I am a bit tensed up. Not because Zuma at 67 can still do it. I have a list to make of people I have to say “I love you” to. And I barely have a week. You see, the entire year I will be too busy working, living, entertaining myself and others and I will get just one measly Valentine’s Day to profess my love.

My forehead is furrowed in concentration. The list is not very long, but tricky. If I leave out someone who really matters, I will be met with iciest of glares for the rest of the year.

My Mom….of course I love her, I am conditioned to, but can you please stop telling me what’s wrong with my life and finally accept me as a grown up?

The Husband... we have a life-long contract of loving each other. But it would help if you can say I Love you with that beautiful armband from Amrapali. I have been eyeing it for the longest.

My brother… I love you, but I love your cuddly daughter and her most endearing smile more.

Why is it so easy to fall hopelessly in love with babies? Is it because they do not express their opinions (read criticism)? Demand only love and love you unconditionally!

My Daughter... Honey Mama loves you, but can you please be more responsible and study!! (Ha! so much for unconditional love)

My friends…With you I can be myself. Not a mother, a wife, a daughter, just a girl who needs mindless banter to de-stress. And you make the greatest partners in crime (read shopping)

Why is it so difficult to love and so easy to loathe? Ask me about my hate list and I can rattle off names in a jiffy. But when it comes to loving we have the longest checklist list to fulfill. It’s like a hurdle race, the faster you run, the higher you jump, the closer you can come to me. Is he bestowed with a sense of humor? Is Fountainhead her favorite piece of literature? Is she compassionate? Does he love dogs? Of course if the guy looks like Bradley Cooper, the checklist and hurdles can go to hell.

But a stray uncomfortable incident and we are ready to block the unfortunate person out for the rest of our lives.

Thank god Valentine’s Day was not half as popular when I was in school. Was it because Archies had yet to make its presence felt and Hallmark had not made its mark in the Indian market? Imagine how stressful it could have been! As if exams were not enough, you were now doomed to wait for V day with trepidation. Will I get any cards this year? I have been giving Vinay the glad eye for the longest, will he take the bait? Saisha got 17 cards last year and I managed just 3 (all bought by me). Why me? Why not me?

The florist though is the happiest. He goes laughing all the way to the bank. People shell out forty bucks for a measly rose without a murmur of protest. Your senses are assaulted with an overdose of red. The city suddenly gets infested with gloriously-in-love couples looking deep into each other’s eyes, girls giving off key musical renditions of their love at the local karaoke station, men scurrying off to the jeweler to make an expensive declaration of their love.

So is one day enough to express an emotion so deep that it has the ability to transform; is your biggest weakness and strength? Isn’t any day good enough to feel mushy and gooey? Why do we wait for B-days and V-days to make our special one feel cherished? My take is that occasions such as these jolt us out of the daily rut of our lives.

Many of you would argue that Valentine’s Day is but a shameless marketing ploy. Maybe it is but I don’t care. This Valentine’s I am going to be dressed in my red pair of jeans (fashion police stay away), pop in heart shaped chocolates ,flutter my mascara’d lashes and croon “Oh my love, my darling, I’m hungry for your love” to my one and only. You have a problem with that?