Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.
– David Letterman
The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
– Jilly Cooper
Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.
– Mae West
I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed.
– James Thurber
I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father’s religion, if they can find out what it is.
– Charles Lamb
It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.
– Isaac Asimov
Wisdom is what’s left after we’ve run out of personal opinions.
– Cullen Hightower
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