An Indian Civilizational Perspective

Sex addiction and women

Sex can be a wonderful bond of flesh between humans, but it can become an addiction. And this addiction is not just a preserve of men, but women are also addicted to sex just as men are!

In US, for example, 30% of those who come for treatment of sex addiction are females. The sex addiction may manifest as other things as well, but when scratched that is what it comes to for a lot of female patients.

“They’ll come for help with alcoholism, drug addiction or depression and, in the course of treatment, the sex addiction, the root cause of the other addictions, will be uncovered,” Serratt (director of Life Works, which offers sex-addiction treatment in the UK) says.

Often such women start indulging in sex to prove a point or simply as it is an extension of their competitive nature. Like this story of Valerie:

Any time I met a guy who didn’t respond to me sexually, it would make me determined to have him,” confesses Valerie, 35, a human-resources manager in the City. “It became a challenge, a game, regardless of whether he was married or with someone. The lowest point came when I tried to seduce my best friend’s fiancé. I couldn’t bear the fact that, when they were together, he wouldn’t so much as look at me. It was an itch I had to scratch.”

“Sex addict” is the last phrase that would come to mind if you met the demure and sober-suited Valerie. Yet she is in 12-step recovery for that very issue. “Everyone used to tell me how lucky I was, as I could get any man I wanted. I’m quite a competitive person and it was important for me to know that, in my circle of girlfriends, I was viewed as the hottest.”

Such risky behavior may also lead to people taking some pretty daring risks with their family life like this lady, Justine a 38 year old mother of two and married to a rich entrepreneur:

“I was addicted to the thrill,” she recalls. “Going to Harvey Nichols to buy La Perla lingerie, meeting a new man, drinking champagne with him, going to bed with him for the first time. With other men, I could express my sexuality in a different way. I hardly ever had sex with my husband — it became a chore.”

Having two daughters, now aged five and seven, did little to curb her behaviour. “I cringe when I think of the risks I took. One day, I told the nanny I was going to visit an old schoolfriend and wouldn’t be back until late that evening, then I got on the Eurostar and went to Paris with a guy I’d met at a friend’s dinner party. But there was a problem on the line that evening, and the trains back were cancelled. That was pretty scary, being stranded in another country when nobody knew I was there, and knowing my kids were expecting me to read them a story. I phoned and said I was staying with the friend because I had drunk too much to drive home.” Ultimately, it was her drinking that led Justine into recovery. “Ironically, my husband was fixated on the fact that I might be an alcoholic. He didn’t suspect anything else. It was only after I stopped drinking that I realised I had a problem with sex.”

For every one of these ladies there may be 10 times more men out there with addiction. What is it about this sex that some how makes you a slave?

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