Humour

Wanna buy a Battle Tank from Amazon?

I am not sure if anyone of you have been in the market recently to buy a Battle tank? Well, if you were ever thinking of one here’s a deal – A battle tank is on sale on Amazon (JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank). Its price – a cool $19,999.95 and is produced by the NAO company in Palo Alto. It is touted as a “completely unique, extremely rare land vehicle and battle tank”. Its features are really cool and include:

  • Interior, which is fully carpeted and cozy, with accent lighting and room for up to five people. (What would a battle be without ACCENT lighting? Thanks NAO! That.. right there seals the deal for me!)
  • A 400 watt premium sound system with PA is mounted to project sound both into the cabin and outward from behind the windows. (why not keep your enemy entertained while you are busy firing at him? And, don’t forget your favorite MP3 collection in your barrack. Obama won’t help there! 😉
  • Exterior is a steel shell with a rust patina, and features head and tail lights, turn signal lights, trim lighting, underbody lighting, fixed slats protecting the windows, and a unique industrial-strength rubberized flexible skirt that shields and protects the wheels to within an inch of the ground, while still allowing for enough flex to give clearance over bumpy and uneven terrain. Did you notice the ‘Underbody lighting’? That’s wicked!!
  • Master power, ignition, all lighting, and stereo features are controlled from a single switchboard to the left of the driver, again accessible from either the seated or standing position. (SINGLE SIGN ON. Yeah baby!!)
  • Standard drive is an air-cooled, 6hp Tecumseh gasoline (unleaded only) engine, with centrifugal clutch, giving the Donk a top speed of 40 mph. Unleaded only, so we are “Green”. That one’s checked off my list! Remember to stop at the Unleaded pump when you get to the Gas Station, Will you?

Unfortunately it is not licensed for use on public roads. At least in the US. I am sure there are some countries in the world right now, where such a tank may be the “Vehicle of Choice”.. specifically given the peace situation in those “neighborhoods”.

But what really took the cake was one review I read on Amazon for this product (btw, there are an incredible 1,744 reviews of this product!!). Creative and kick-ass Hillarious! Enjoy!

I’ll admit it. Shopping for a personal tank can be a bit daunting. Many times in the past I’ve purchased overpriced, so-called “battle tanks”, then driven them into battle only to be wrecked in ten minutes by the first blow off of some insurgents home-made morter.

But not this baby, no way.

This tank R-O-C-K-S! Literally- the 400-watt sound-system keeps me rockin like a crazy man as I’m dishing out justice commando style. Wow. I just can’t say enough. And the kids love it, too- imagine the look of terror in the eyes of the enemy as I’m dropping off my kid’s team to their soccer game. Shock and awe, my friends, SHOCK AND AWE!

I had NAO install the optional GPS-guided white phosphorus missile system, and talk about *SWEET*! Burn baby burn!!!

Oh, it also has plenty of room for groceries, and if you need to like move a loveseat or something it’ll fit if you use a little bungee cord.

The only real negative with this tank is that it shows up on radar a little more than I like (although there is a polyresin graphite stealth model available). Also, the included spare isn’t full size.

Overall, a great tank.


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Desh Kapoor

The panache of a writer is proven by the creative pen he uses to transform the most mundane topic into a thrilling story. Desh – the author, critic and analyst uses the power of his pen to create thought-provoking pieces from ordinary topics of discussion. He writes on myriad interesting themes. Read the articles to know more about his views and “drishtikone”.

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2 thoughts on “Wanna buy a Battle Tank from Amazon?”

  1. Hahahahhahahahaha!! Desh!! I can’t figure which I like better! This ridiculous tank, or the reallllly funny review! Very nice post! Keep it up!

  2. Hahahahhahahahaha!! Desh!! I can’t figure which I like better! This ridiculous tank, or the reallllly funny review! Very nice post! Keep it up!

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