Sunday, March 24, 2019

My Mother is “no more”

Death is a strange phenomenon.  Specifically for a Spiritual seeker.  During the Mahabharat War, Bhishma had been put on a bed of arrows by Arjun – having shot him many times.  But Bhishma didn’t leave his body.  He hung around alive till after the war was over and willingly left his body on a certain day.  Death on Ekadashi (the 11th day on the Lunar calendar) is said to be extremely beneficial as the energies are aligned in a way that dissolution is a real possibility.

How my Mother left us behind in Complete Bliss Even in Her Death #happymothersday Click To Tweet

This is the story of my Mother.  I am narrating it not to claim anything for anybody, but as my love for her.  That experience has touched me very profoundly.  Having her as a Mother, first of all, was a serendipitous event in this lifetime for me and my siblings.  For me personally, we shared a bond.  To me she was the highest Sadhak (Seeker) that I have seen in real life witnessing a journey through the toughest situations that life can throw at someone.

When I was born, my Mother nicknamed me “Gopal” (name for Krishna).  When asked why she named me Gopal, she would remind us of a story in the scriptures.  An old man whose son’s name was Gopal – whom he loved dearly above all other people – was in his last stage and about to die.  As he was taking his last breath, he longingly called out for his son “Gopal!!”.  As he was dying, Krishna came to fetch him instead because unknowingly he had called for Him.  “And, so he got to make it to Vaikunth with Krishna”, she would say.  Vaikunth was her goal.  Vaikunth was an experience she took from her stays in Vrindavan where she met her first Guru Shri Mukund Hari Ji and got initiated.

In my life, I have not seen anyone as devoted to his/her Sadhana as my Mother.  It didn’t matter when she slept – 10 pm, 1 am, 2 am – she would get up sharp 4.30 am in the morning and after her bath she would sit down for her prayer to her “Thakurji” (a form of baby Krishna), which would last 2 hours.  She would keep silent (“Maun vrat”) during that time.  She would also make breakfast for us during that time, while her Japa was going on.  Through summers, blackout, winters, bad times, good times, sickness, health.. whatever it was.. nothing stopped her from taking her morning bath and then doing her Sadhana.  Nothing!


Her devotion to her Krishna and scriptural understanding was such that anyone who came asking for food at our door, would get fresh 3-4 course meal with money to go.  Sometimes, even though we were tight on money after my Father’s demise.  We would get angry and frustrated because those would be “fake Sadhus” asking for alms.  “Why do you do this, Mummy?  You know they are fake!”.  She would say “I do it because they are asking for food at my door.  And, how do I know, one of them could be Krishna himself”.

Alzheimer’s – or rather loss of memory hit her in the late 1990s.  It became bad as the years progressed.  Nevertheless, it didn’t stop her Sadhana.  Then in 2003, I sold our family house which my Grandfather had built and was highly attached to it.  He, in fact, had directed my mother to make sure the house was never sold.  I had a strong feeling all those years that he hadn’t “passed on”, and selling the house such that it is brought down, may break that attachment, so he could pass on.  There were many other reasons to sell the house and I pulled off a miracle when I not just settled a law suit with my Aunt, but also sold the house within 15 days and got a new apartment for my Mom to stay.  It was then she started having hallucinations and her health started deteriorating.  She subsequently came to stay with us in the US for around 4 months and left for India sooner than we had wanted.  Her situation had been stable but was going downhill.  After reaching India, her stable situation didn’t last much.  Within 3-4 months, she had lost most of the cognition and soon became bed ridden.

The last 5 years thereafter were like that – in total oblivion and loss of cognition, although an inherent awareness – and bed ridden.  She was cared for by my sister and her maids.  She would often get violent, very uncharacteristic of her in her normal self.

The autumn of 2009 was on in Boston with the beautiful colors on the trees.  I was travelling to Boston and staying at a room leased there.  I am a pretty balanced person when it comes to living alone.  But for 3 nights in a row, I felt something dark around me.  As if a dark energy was trying to approach me.  And, it would always set off a train of thought as I would wake up from my sleep “My Mother, who had done so much of Sadhana, was in a such a suffering.  Why was a person like her going through all this?”.  After the third night, I got up in the morning and called my sister in India.  “I don’t know what it is, but something doesn’t make sense.  I don’t know why I am thinking of this after so many years of her going through this, but I feel it shouldn’t be happening.  Call up our friend, who is a Pranic Healer to come and see if something is wrong with Mom.  This lady is sensitive and she will sense if something is amiss”.  My sister was taken aback by this, but she called her anyway.

I called up later to ask “What happened?”  She spoke excitedly “Bhaiya, she came and as soon as she looked in to Mom’s room, she sank into the sofa.  And said, Why didn’t you call me earlier?  Your Mom is a magnet for other beings.  Your Grandfather is still around her and not letting her go”.  It was November then.  She had stopped chewing food and had to be given mashed food.  Our friend went with the aim to work on the Grandfather to help him “pass on”.

My visit was planned for the end of December for two weeks.  It was 24th December and I had gone to meet my friend at his office in the Statesman building.  He worked at Associated Press and right across his office was a book shop – Oxford Book (no longer there now).  He wasn’t there so I went to this place and started looking at books.  Had recently done Inner Engineering with Isha yoga, and had been reading and internalizing Sadhguru.  Came across a book of his called “Mystic’s Eye“.  So sat down to read.  Had gone through the first few pages when my friend landed.  I bought the book and left.  That evening I got a call from my cousin in CHandigarh that my Uncle (his father) was in a critical state.  His tumor had burst.  He has only a few hours or days left, he said.  “So, if you want to meet him, then come”.  I left the next morning on 25th December.  I reached Chandigarh in the evening and went to meet my Uncle.  He was heavily sedated, but it was good to see him.  I have had a great respect and love for him all my life!

Went home and as I was lying in my bed, I was reading the Mystic’s Eye.  It is a Question and Answer book, where meditators are asking Sadhguru some questions and he is answering them.  I was on a chapter called “Beings of the Beyond”, and it deals with “Disembodied Beings” and life “after Death”.  He talks at length about one disembodied being, who was haunting the Ashram around the Dhyanalingam consecration time.

sadhguru-mystic-eyeLet me tell you about the woman on the roof. We have done many things with such beings, but this particular one hung around for more than a year and a half, maybe two. After Dhyanlinga consecration, my body was in a certain state of instability, and I did not want to meddle with her because they have – what can I say – no sense of judgment. They have a longing. It’s like somebody who is in a deep state of desire has no judgment about life. He just has a longing for something. Somebody wants to drink, he wants to drink. Somebody wants to rape; he wants to rape. It’s not because they are good or bad that they’re doing it. They have no judgment about life; they only have longings….